|
SYMPTOM |
FAULT |
ACTION |
| Feet cold and
wet |
Glass being held at
incorrect angle. |
Rotate glass so that
open end points toward ceiling. |
| Feet warm and wet.
|
Improper bladder
control. |
Stand next to nearest
dog, complain about house training. |
| Drink unusually pale
and tasteless. |
Glass empty.
|
Get someone to buy you
another drink. |
| Opposite wall covered
with fluorescent lights. |
You have fallen over
backward. |
Have yourself tied to
bar. |
| Mouth contains
cigarette butts. |
You have fallen
forward. |
See above.
|
| Alcohol tasteless,
front of your shirt is wet. |
You are looking
through bottom of empty glass. |
Get someone to buy you
another drink. |
| Floor blurred.
|
You are being carried
out. |
Find out if you are
being taken to another bar. |
| Room seems unusually
dark. |
Bar has closed.
|
Confirm home address
with bartender. |
| Taxi suddenly takes on
colourful aspect and textures. |
Alcohol consumption
has exceeded personal limitations. |
Cover mouth.
|
| Everyone looks up to
you and smiles. |
You are dancing on the
table. |
Fall on somebody
cushy-looking. |
| Drink is
crystal-clear. |
It's water. Somebody
is trying to sober you up. |
Punch him.
|
| Hands hurt, nose
hurts, mind unusually clear. |
You have been in a
fight. |
Apologize to everyone
you see, just in case it was them. |
| Don't recognise
anyone, don't recognise the room you're in. |
You've wandered into
the wrong party. |
See if they have free
alcohol. |
| Your singing sounds
distorted. |
The drink is too weak.
|
Have more alcohol
until your voice improves. |
| Don't remember the
words to the song. |
Drink is just right.
|
Play air guitar.
|
|
|
|
|
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